Jokes and Riddles To Light Up Your Day and Subvert the Basic Structure of Traditional Humor Theory

Bob Farnsworth is a well-known comedian whose family-friendly entertainment has delighted "folks" across the country.   From his humble beginnings as a busboy in Tulsa, Oklahoma, Bob has become a beloved national figure.  Since the first airing of "The Bob Farnsworth Variety Hour" in 1987, his name has been synonymous with light, easy-going stand-up comedy.   Now that he has attained this permanent status, Bob has turned his attention to his true childhood passion: the unrelenting destruction of standard juxtapositional humor from within the format itself.  Enjoy!

From Part I: Knock, Knock!

Fran: Knock, knock!

Dan: Who's there?

Fran: It's me, Fran!

Dan: Fran who?

Fran: Your wife!

Bill: Knock, knock!

Phil: Who's there?

Bill: Get out of my house!

Phil: Get out of my house who?

Bill: Get out of my house before the police come and drag you out of there!

Slim: Knock, knock!

Jim: Who's there?

Slim: Lettuce!

Jim: Lettuce who?

Slim: It's "lettuce whom."

Jim: No it isn't!

Jon: Knock, knock!

Ron: Who's there!

Jon: Is that a question?

Sue: Knock, knock!

Lou: Who's there?

Gordon: Boo!

Sue: What in the world?

Lou: Is there some kind of trouble out there?

Rimuel: Knock, knock!

Ezekiel: Who's there?

Rimuel: It is I, Rimuel!

Ezekiel: I - I don't know any Rimuels. Let an old man sleep!

Rimuel: You cannot escape your fate, O miser. Open this door!

Ezekiel: Nay, I tell you! There are many Ezekiels in these woods. You have mistaken me for another. You shall not enter! Leave me in peace!

Rimuel: Am I to understand that there are two Ezekiels in this countryside who bear the name Barthamuelson on their door-frame? Give way, old piker of Beelzebub!

Ezekiel: Um... Rimuel who?

From Part II: Questions Deserving Answers

Harvey: What's the difference between a pickle jar and the President?

Steve: I have no idea.

Harvey: Isn't it obvious?

Barry: What did the uncle say to his nephew?

Gary: I don't know, what?

Barry: "What did the uncle say to his nephew?"

Gary: What?

Barry: I said, "What did the uncle say to his nephew?"

Gary: Oh, because you're my uncle.

Tom: Riddle me that, riddle me this: "Who wants to come over and watch The Abyss?"

Harold: I told you already - I do not like that movie.

Tom: Maybe you just didn't understand the context.

Harold: Yes, I did.

Ernest: How many Poles does it take to fill a gas tank?

Dave: I don't know.

Ernest: Twelve. One to fill it, and the others to stand around watching.

Dave: I don't get it.

Ernest: When I said "Poles," I meant "Polocks."

Dave: Oh, right. Good one.

Will: You are a bus driver. One day, twelve people got on the bus. Then, two got off and four got on. At the next stop -

Kirk: I am not a bus driver.

Will: Yes, I know that. But bear with me…

Kirk: I don't like where this is going.

Ralph: Have you heard the one about the politician and the devil?

Herman: I should warn you that I myself am the devil.

Ralph: Well, in that case I'll - Oh, sweet mother of Mary!

Quentin: Bobby is older than Sue, and Trent is older than Ruth. How old is Milton?

Earv: That's completely impossible.

Quentin: Nope! The answer is "twenty-five."

Theo: I am my father's sister's son's uncle's father's grandson. Who am I?

Evan: Yourself?

Theo: Not necessarily. There are plenty of loopholes that could make me any one of the first or second cousins on my father's side, or even several technical relations who are related to me only through marriage.

Alan: Who played the part of Samuel in 1963's "The Child Walks Slowly"?

Gordon: Nicolas Joyce-Parker?

Alan: That's right.

Gordon: Come on, give me a hard one.

Alan: Which biologist first discovered hellecia fereneti in 1837?

Gordon: H. Donald Fairfax?

Alan: You are a freak, Gordon.  An absolute freak.