Bears are fascinating animals. No matter where you are, it is hard to look around without seeing at least one live bear. There is probably a bear in your house. But bears are not just here. They are all over the world, on every continent and in every country. There are bears who live in the woods, and bears who live in the jungle. Some bears live on gigantic frozen ice masses. There are bears who live underwater, and tiny bears no larger than your fist who make their homes in underground tunnels or hollowed-out trees. And, of course, there are bears in space and on other planets. For every human alive, there are about fifty bears.
Why are bears so numerous? The answer is simple. Bears are stronger than all other animals. A single, average-sized adult bear could easily overpower twenty lions or fifty zebras. Many scientists believe that the dinosaurs became extinct because bears killed them and ate their eggs. Bears are also smart. They have their own "language" made up of howls and grunts, and they often work together to attack prey or defend themselves. Bears can also construct simple machines using levers, pulleys and basic electronic circuitry. Bears often entertain themselves by putting on plays or playing games such as flag football or Parcheesi. Bears also have their own schools, churches and hospitals, which help them to survive in the wild.
Some people don't like bears. Farmers don't like bears because they steal their chickens, ruin their crops and publish newsletters that mock the simplicity that is inherent in the farming way of life. Swedish people to this day are not fond of bears because a fleet of bear warships invaded their country in 1422. The bears burned down many villages and plundered the greatest cities in Sweden. They also used the Swedes as slaves. Some of the bears married their Swedish servants during the fifty-year occupation that followed. This is why many Swedish people today look like bears. Tennis players do not like bears because they sometimes lurk around outside of tennis courts and wait for balls to be hit over the fence so that they can steal them. If the tennis players go out to try to find their lost balls, the bears will almost always kill them. If they try to go to a sporting-goods store to buy more tennis balls, the bears will chase them and follow them into the store. If the bears cannot remember what the tennis players look like, they will kill everyone in the store just to make sure. Bears do not have very long memory spans.
Of course, not all bears are evil. One bear won the Nobel Peace Prize for not killing a little girl that he found in a forest. Other bears took his peace prize medallion and melted it down so that they could learn how to make iron. With this knowledge they were able to construct a terrible juggernaut, a fearsome beast machine whose sole function was death. With this machine the bears killed the little girl, her family and everyone within fifty miles of their home. So, although not all bears are evil, it is probably safe to say that 99.99% of them are.
Bears are an accursed plague on the human race. Their sensless wrath beats down on us every day. Man has tried and failed to stop the madness, to hold off the onslaught of terror. But there is no escape. Bears are everywhere and in everything. All we can do is wait for the sweet scythe of Death to sweep us away, far from this unbearable existence.